It’ll come as no surprise to note that the ages between 40 and 65 see many changes and stresses. Life is can witness wonderful moments of happiness and uplift, but also stress, loss, and trials.
In a study published by Women’s Midlife Health, the authors identified five themes that point to some of those challenges.1 The women in the study took part in “The Seattle Midlife Women’s Health Study.” A total of 81 women completed the study and answered the question, “Since you have been in our study (since 1990 or 1991), what has been the most challenging part of life for you?” The study lasted up to 23 years, so as to be able to really trace those challenges and the changes in participants’ lives.
In this piece, we’ll look at the first of five themes that were identified in the study. That first theme is large and complex: evolving family relationships.
The term “family” is very broad and can include many different people. Gone is the ideal of the “nuclear family” that dominated society for so long. Today, there’s a huge variety of family units. There are single-parent families, families living with extended family members, foster families, step-families/blended families, same-sex families, and others.
The study examined evolving relationships within these categories:
- with husband or partner
- children
- aging parents
- siblings
- in-laws
While this blog won’t look at each category, this piece will address three.
Changes within a relationship: marriage/partnership
Stresses and changes that arose in a relationship were one of the primary factors affecting women who were in the Seattle midlife study.
Many in the study had to deal with the end of a marriage, that is separation or divorce. Not many things are harder to deal with than the end of a marriage, unless for good reason (e.g. abuse or infidelity). Even still, having to cut someone out of our lives after perhaps many years is not an easy change to make.
Other women noted changes in the health of a partner added a lot of stress. Many had to deal with partners who needed surgery, or any other number of health procedures. Some women in the study became a primary caregiver due to a partner’s incapacitation.
And sadly, some of the women had to confront the passing of a spouse or partner. Some women may find it very hard to let go and heal. It’s highly recommended that people talk with family, friends, or a therapist, if required, to cope with feelings and to learn how to move forward.
Relationships with a child/children
The evolving needs of children present significant challenge for women too. Pressures brought on by peers, social media, and media in general, can lead some children down the wrong path. This is especially a consideration as children age into their early- to mid-teens.
And, sometimes it’s not even a woman’s own kids they are concerned with. New partners often bring in children from a previous marriage or relationship. Being able to grow a bond with those child(ren) is not always simple. Some children may never perceive the step or foster parent as a true parental figure, resulting in a wall that can be hard to overcome.
A child’s moving out can cause a great deal of change, but so can the return of an adult child. Many couples probably don’t intend for their grown-up children to return home, but life issues sometimes lead to it happening (e.g. the divorce of the child, financial troubles).
Dealing with aging parents
Finally, having to deal with the aging of parents can be an at times overwhelming challenge. Women often end up becoming caregivers to their aging parents, as it often falls on them to do so. Having to bring parents to appointments, checking on them often (if not daily), only add to a woman’s work load.
In this situation, the roles become reserved: the child becomes a caregiver, and the parents are the children.
Finding ways to deal with midlife changes and stress
Self-care, self-love, and self-advocation are all so important in coping with any of the situations noted in this piece. Try some of these suggestions:
- Finding time for yourself to do things you enjoy
- Being social with others, making new friends, building a support group
- Learning to say “no” when people – even family – ask you to do things
- Taking the time to rest
- Exercise! It’s great for the mind and body.
By looking after yourself as you move through evolving family circumstances, you won’t just be in a better place to deal with your family, you’ll be in a better place to look after yourself too. Love yourself, and look after yourself.
